Funky Chunky

by Flavored Cardboard

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about

After an eight months of working night and day, Flavored Cardboard has finally returned with their new predicted-to-be-a-hit album, titled "Funky Chunky," presumably after the improv dance your body will soon be moving to without your knowledge.

With at least thirteen never-before-heard tracks and the two tried and true singles from however long ago, Funky Chunky spans topics of loss, found, crime, texture, body parts, and more, all in explicit detail. Be prepared for the unpreparable, be expected for the unexpectedable.

But you don't have to take my word for it, you can buy this new album for free! Just scroll up, click the Buy Now button, press any number key on your keyboard, and you're all set! Plug in your favorite color headphones and immerse yourself in the musical world of Funky Chunky, previously known as Fronzy Conky.

After this fiery reemergence of Flavored Cardboard, as a band they are planning to comfortably retire in The Philippines for the rest of their natural lives, practicing the solo from the beginning of "Luke Slomba is Sexi" and delightfully munching on vintage Charleston Chews in the shade. Don't let these musical heroes down!

credits

released June 19, 2015

Flavored Cardboard is:
Luke - vocals, ukulele, bass, keyboards, Stylophone, lap steel, drums, percussion, steering wheel
April - vocals, guitars, bass, piano, keyboards, melodica, drums

with a little help from our friends:
Josh - backing vocals on "Luke Slomba is Sexi", lyrics/melody for "Luke Slomba"
Justin - bass on "S-O-R-R-ie"
Noah - vocals on "Please Dr. Sycophant, Have You the Sparrow?"

Produced, mixed, mastered, engineered, general etc. by April & Luke.
Artwork by Luke.

Dress Dress Dress Recordings
GRR 023

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Flavored Cardboard New Haven, Connecticut

Favored Cardbread is the undead spiritual successor to legendary Scratch band Frozen Coco which ran from 2011-2013 until its death in an automobile accident. Flav Carb re-disbanded after legendary comeback single "Luke Slomba is Sexi",, but came back to life yet again after a botched resurrection spell that was supposed to wake Sir Funky Chunky of Scotland. The second album is named in his memory. ... more

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Track Name: I Lost My Dick
Woke up one morning at 9:03
I had to get up, I had to pee
When I pulled down my pants, something was very wrong
My crotch was empty and my dick was gone

I lost my dick

Tearing apart the house, I must have misplaced it
It's probably sitting right where I left it
But hours pass by and day turns to night
And my dick is still nowhere in sight

I lost my dick

Will anybody notice? Will everybody stare?
What will all the doctors say when they see there's nothing there?
And I don't know how i can live now, I don't know how to carry on
I never noticed how much I needed it until it was gone

I lost my dick
Track Name: Luke Slomba is Sexi
Luke Slomba, walking down the street
He's a guy I really wanna meet
Look at the way that he carries himself
That man's got the looks as well as the wealth

Luke Slomba is sexi
He's a really good guy
Luke Slomba is sexi
He's really super fly

Your muscles aren't big; Luke's are twice the size
And his shades are so dark that you can't see his eyes
Take a look at him, and you'll see
Luke's 10 times the man that you'll ever be

Luke Slomba is sexi
He's a really good guy
Luke Slomba is sexi
He's really super fly
Luke Slomba is sexi
He's always got a plan
Luke Slomba is sexi
He's gonna be my man

I am Luke Slomba
And this is all I have to say
You haven't seen sexi
Until you've seen my face

Luke Slomba is sexi
He's a really good guy
Luke Slomba is sexi
He's really super fly
Luke Slomba is sexi
He's always got a plan
Luke Slomba is sexi
He's gonna be my man
Track Name: Not on Your Mind
When you wouldn't take my hand, I knew something was wrong
Hadn't seen you for some time, we were apart too long
But I never meant to stay
With you living far away

Don't take off and leave me all alone because I'm scared
I don't know what will happen to me if you're not there
You make me feel okay, you brighten up my day
Darling, can't you see that you're the one

When you brought boxes to pack, you didn't say a word
I tried to talk to you, you made me feel unheard
I couldn't watch you go
I wanted to say no

Don't take off and leave me all alone because I'm scared
I don't know what will happen to me if you're not there
You make me feel okay, you brighten up my day
Darling, can't you see that you're the one

Guess it was never meant to be
I can see we're history
Tell me, girl, that I'm not on your mind

Don't take off and leave me all alone because I'm scared
I don't know what will happen to me if you're not there
You make me feel okay, you brighten up my day
Darling, can't you see that you're the one
Track Name: Francisco de Goya
Standing in line at the art museum
People come from miles around
They want to see Goya's newest exhibit
They step and take the escalator down

His paintings line the walls around him
But that's not the reason why anybody's here
Goya himself is the main attraction
People crowd around the tank to

See the pickled body of Mr. Goya
Laying there in his display case
His skin has turned a sickly shade of yellow
His eyes stare open out of his blank face

And after everyone has left
The custodian turns off all the lights
Goya is still there in his tank
There's not much he can do right now but

Soon they'll take the body of Mr. Goya
Bring him back to life, when they can
He'll be walking, talking, breathing, and painting
So everybody can meet the man
Track Name: S-O-R-R-ie
Hey friend

I hope it was worth
I know he wont for-fit
sayin' get out of my life
I said I would when I thought about it

Now he thinks i'm insolent
irregular intolerant
irrational irrelevent
hey hey hey

Boy you'll regret this
I'll never forget this
boy believe me
never gonna say S-O-R-R- ie

Man i dont believe this
acting like a property and your his
Boy believe me
never gonna say S-O-R-R-ie

appologies don't come forth
wont give me what its worth
come on is it that hard
well your colder colder than the north

It wasn't that bad
sad about or mad
looking at what I had
hey hey hey

Boy you'll regret this
I'll never forget this
boy believe me
never gonna say S-O-R-R- ie

Man i dont believe this
acting like a property and your his
Boy believe me
never gonna say S-O-R-R-ie

When one day I get the nerve
just to say I am
You tell me just to leave you tell me just to scram

Boy you'll regret this
I'll never forget this
boy believe me
never gonna say S-O-R-R- ie

Man i dont believe this
acting like a property and your his
Boy believe me
never gonna say S-O-R-R-ie

Boy you'll regret this
I'll never forget this
boy believe me
never gonna say S-O-R-R- ie

Man i dont believe this
acting like a property and your his
Boy believe me
never gonna say S-O-R-R-ie
Track Name: Left the Bathroom Light On Blues
Got up one morning at the break of dawn
Went to the bathroom, left the light on
I wasn’t paying attention when i had to leave
I didn’t know what that light would do to me

Very next month, I got a bill in the mail
It cut a hole in my life like a coffin nail
I lost my money, my house, and everything I owned
Just because I left the light in the bathroom on

Now I’m sittin’ here, sittin’ on the street
There’s nothing I can do to make ends meat
Everything I ever wanted is gone
Should’ve listened to my mama when she said not to leave the light on
Track Name: Chewy Inside
You think I've got a heart of stone
But I'm warm and chewy inside
Like the caramel filling in the chocolate egg
In the Easter basket you threw into
The garbage can, and I never saw again

Hey dude, I used to think you were alright
But now you're just a nasty-ass bowl of
Resolidified chocolate chips that
Spilled all over my bedroom floor

Hey dude, I used to think you were alright
But now you're just a nasty-ass bowl of
Resolidified chocolate chips that
Spilled all over my bedroom floor

I used to think you were just a Charleston Chew
But now your candy coating is chipping
And I can see who you really are:
An empty wrapper full of illusions and lies

This is the last time that I fall for your tricks
If you think I'm not a broken man
Then you are sadly, sadly
Wrong

Hey dude, I used to think you were alright
But now you're just a nasty-ass bowl of
Resolidified chocolate chips that
Spilled all over my bedroom floor

Hey dude, I used to think you were alright
But now you're just a nasty-ass bowl of
Resolidified chocolate chips that
Spilled all over my bedroom floor
Track Name: Burning Man on Fire
People gather 'round and people point up in the air
Who's that burning man on fire, what's he doing up there?
I can only listen, and I can only stare
I'm the burning man on fire, and I'm burning in the air

The reporters interview me and they ask me what I think
About the horrible and painful situation I am in
While the children roast their marshmallows above my burning skin
I'm the burning man on fire and I'm burning from within

So I'm the burning man on fire but I still don't understand
Why I am still burning and how my burning had began
I used to be a person, and I used to be a man
Now I'm the burning man on fire, and I'm burning in the sand
Track Name: Luke Slomba
There's a guy who's come to town and he's brought his uke
He never puts it down and his name is Luke
You never know what he'll sing next
He's totally unpredictable

Luke Slomba, he's not like any other guy
Luke Slomba, he makes all the girls sigh
Take a picture, don't let your camera go to waste
Who knows the next time you'll get a chance to see his face?
Track Name: Metaphor Song
I don't want my love
To be buried under the ocean
To be dug up by archaeologists
And have them wonder what it all meant

I don't want my love
To be put on the back burner
To stay on the stove, forgotten
And burn the whole house down

I don't want my love
To be outsourced to China
To use child labor
And double production rates

I don't want my love
To be thrown into the gutter
To be swept up by the street cleaners
On the second Wednesday of the month

I don't want my love
To lay at the bottom of the bathtub
Collecting mold and grime
With the plastic dinosaurs and army men

I don't want my love
To sit behind the counter
To glance at the clock on the wall
Wondering when its shift will end

I don't want my love
To be irregular, intolerant
Irrational, irrelevant
Forgotten or abused

I just want my love
To break free from these metaphors
To go past the words and
Go into the sky
Track Name: Eyehanded
These days, I find that I'm not really satisfied
Everybody's try'na tell me stuff but they won't tell me why
Things are going kinda strange and I really don't understand
Raindrops feel like diamonds when they drip into my hands

I want you to tell me
I want you to want me to know
I want to tell you something
But you must promise that you won’t go

I've got eyeballs for hands and hands for eyeballs
They switched them out for me at the nearby mini-mall
But now you won't even give me a second look
You treat me like a monster you saw in your sci-fi book
I've got eyeballs for hands and hands for eyeballs
They switched them out for me at the nearby mini-mall
But now you won't even give me a second look
You treat me like a monster you saw in your sci-fi book

Last week, you were showing me your plant diorama
But now, we just don't talk at all, ya
Don’t want to associate and can't bear to negotiate
But maybe if you were a little open minded, we could work out

I've got eyeballs for hands and hands for eyeballs
They switched them out for me at the nearby mini-mall
But now you won't even give me a second look
You treat me like a monster you saw in your sci-fi book
I've got eyeballs for hands and hands for eyeballs
They switched them out for me at the nearby mini-mall
But now you won't even give me a second look
You treat me like a monster you saw in your sci-fi book
I've got eyeballs for hands and hands for eyeballs
They switched them out for me at the nearby mini-mall
But now you won't even give me a second look
You treat me like a monster you saw in your sci-fi book
I've got eyeballs for hands and hands for eyeballs
They switched them out for me at the nearby mini-mall
But now you won't even give me a second look
You treat me like a monster you saw in your sci-fi book

I've got eyeballs for hands and hands for eyeballs
Track Name: Say No to Drums
You hear your friends all talking
They pass something around
You walk over to them
To see what it's about

They all turn towards you
Drumsticks in their hands
They need your assistance
They ask you to join their band

Say no to drums
Don't make that mistake
Put those drumsticks down
Before it's too late

Say no to drums
You'll lose all your friends
It may seem worth it now
But it won't be in the end

The syncopated rhythms
Creep into your ear
There's nothing you can do now
They fill your heart with fear

Look out the window
The dark figure's standing outside
The rhythm is coming for you
There's nowhere you can hide

Say no to drums
They'll approach you suspiciously
You'll remain oblivious
But there's a trick up their sleeves

Say no to drums
They'll stab you with a knife
You'll end up dead on the street
Drums will end your life

Say no to drums
Say no to drums
Say no to drums
Just say no
Track Name: Please Dr. Sycophant, Have You the Sparrow?
Doctor Sycophant sat alone in the office, waiting away the last few hours on the Friday afternoon. Soon, he thought, he would be able to return to his loving wife and two children. However, that day was different, unlike any other. The telephone rang; he picked it up slowly. "Who is it?" he asked.

Doctor, your assistance is requested outside the hospital
Children lying on the ground outside the school
No-one knows the reason but they suspect it's medical
You've been called down there as the resident expert

Doctor Sycophant sighed and hung up the telephone. He gathered a few pieces of medical equipment and took it with him as he left. As he passed the secretary in the front office, she tipped her hat at him. He frowned. One car ride later, he was at the scene of the crime. Children, as the report had informed him, were lying neatly in rows outside the school, with only a telling expression on their faces as any evidence of why.

Dear children, I need your help
I need you to trust me now
I think that I can help to get what you want
And that would make my job easier, a whole lot

Almost immediately, the children hopped up to their feet attentively. Gathering into small groups of two, three, and four, the children sang thusly:

When your bird is a dog and you feel like a frog
And you're carrying on in the dizzying fog
And you feel like you're there, you're floating in the air
And all the children ask you
Have you the sparrow?

And the Doctor cried

No, I don't
No, I don't
No, I don't
Track Name: Who Killed Luke Slomba?
Who killed Luke Slomba?
He was here, but now he's gone-ba
I never got to say goodbye
I never told him he was super fly

I found out from the TV
All the photos were really skeevy
The reporter's voice was monotone
Just like Luke's would be on the telephone

And I miss the way he played that uke
Did the best he could for a guy named Luke
Even though his life has come to an end
He is still sexier than all other men

Who killed Luke Slomba?
He was here, but now he's gone-ba
Take a look at his life, and you'll see
He was ten times the man that you'd ever be

They found his body with a knife in the back
The official report claimed an angry attack
There's something I need to tell you, my old friend
And it's that I was responsible for Luke's bitter end

I killed Luke Slomba
He was here, but now he's gone-ba
Now I can inherit the wealth he made
And get all the attention from the babes
Track Name: I Found My Dick
I found my dick
It wasn't where it's s'posed to be
I found my dick
It was a place I could not see
ooh

I looked under the couch, I looked all up in the shelves, I didn’t know what to do with my
Self. I searched through the laundry, I stole someone’s car, I took a rocket ship so I could find it on
Mars. And I cried, and I died a little inside
My dick was gone... he was the only one who understood me

I found my dick
I’m so glad it has now returned
I found my dick
And now a lesson has been learned
ooh

Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, months turned into
Years. Still I searched for my dick, went around the world on a noble journey ‘til
One day, I came across a man who told me to look inside my
Self. I went to the doctor, got an x-ray, and lo and be
Hold

I found my dick
And I have solved this mystery
I found my dick
It went inside me in my sleep
ooh

I found my dick
And now my story has an end
I found my dick
It’s time to say goodbye, my friend
ooh, goodbye

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